


I Feel Safe when I’m with You

by elfesetamour



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Fluff, Harringrove, M/M, Spoilers, Steve Harrington - Freeform, billy hargrove - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfesetamour/pseuds/elfesetamour
Summary: WARNING: SEASON 3 SPOILERSEverybody thought Billy was dead. Steve was thinking the same way, because he had seen it with his own eyes. He had seen that disgusting, human flesh creature encircling Billy with his arms. He saw Billy's blood. And he predicted in that day, he probably would never forget that scene. After all, even though he could never tell him, the man he loved was dead in front of his eyes. How could he forget it?





	I Feel Safe when I’m with You

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING: SEASON 3 SPOILERS**
> 
> So, I finished to watch Stranger Things s3 today and I felt the need to write this. Steve's thoughts about Billy in this fanfic are actually my thoughts. I still feel so sorry for him and I really think that he deserved so much better. And I still can't believe that Billy and Steve didn't talk even for only one second! It was a very unfair ending, for almost everyone.
> 
> Please enjoy this little gift after that terrible ending!

Everybody thought Billy was dead. Steve was thinking the same way, because he had seen it with his own eyes. He had seen that disgusting, human flesh creature encircling Billy with his arms. He saw Billy's blood. And he predicted in that day, he probably would never forget that scene. After all, even though he could never tell him, the man he loved was dead in front of his eyes. How could he forget it?

But apparently nothing was as he thought. Steve wasn't sure what he saw that day now, because that guy he met on the way home from the arcade, where he was working, looked very much like Billy. And he also claimed to he was Billy. When he saw his bloody shirt, his curly hair sticking to his forehead because of sweat, Steve finally wondered if he had lost his mind. Maybe the feelings he didn't talk about made him crazy. It could have been something like that, couldn't it? He never understood psychology though. But now he'd rather lose his mind. Of course it sounded great that Billy was alive, but could he face such a fact when he was dead only three months ago?

“Billy. Billy, wake up. Billy.” As Steve approached Max and Eleven in the middle of a rundown shopping mall, he could hear Max's painful hiccups more clearly. Eleven gently pulled the red-haired girl to herself and hugged her to ease her pain. Steve blinked because of the dust several times, and then turned his gaze to the body lying motionless on the floor. Billy lay tall on the floor with his eyes gazing soullessly to the ceiling. No word was heard from these lips that told Steve that he was pretty. These fists, which caused his face to ache for days, didn’t move. Steve took a shaky breath and slowly dropped to on his knees. He swallowed as he sat neatly next to the body, which he was quite sure was lifeless, but his throat was dry. It's like he forgot to even talk.

“Billy?” he muttered quietly. There was no answer. "Hargrove. If this is a joke, it's not funny.” And again, there was no answer. Steve knew very well that his eyes didn’t get wet because of the dust this time. He pressed his hand over his mouth and tried to keep his voice from being heard. Billy Hargrove was dead in front of his eyes. He had never once told that he loved him to this man that he had met too late, that he had fallen in love and had gone too early. He couldn’t. How could he? Everything that happened between Billy and him had a certain limit. Billy used to say that he was pretty, but that actually meant he was making fun of him. They used to smoke cigarettes or drink beer together, but that actually meant that Billy couldn't find anyone to go out with that night. Steve always wanted to take a step towards him, but as a result, he would see Billy flirting with the girls in the Hawkins pool. For Steve, Billy was impossible, but at least he was grateful that he could talk with him every day. Now this chance was lost. Billy was gone.

He was taken out of the mall before he even knew what they did to Billy's body. He wasn't allowed to see him once. There was no funeral and he never knew why. At the end of two months he stopped begging the police department because he was carrying the pain of Hopper's lost at the same time. Everything was very difficult. Everything was very heavy and his mother and father were not there to support him again. He was alone. Maybe more than ever.

\-----

“Harrington!” Steve quickly stepped back a few steps as Billy started shouting towards him. Then Billy -at least the guy who claims to be Billy- stopped. “Harrington! Why don't you listen to me? Listen to me! Open your fucking ears and listen to me!”

“Shut up.” His voice was so low that Steve couldn't even hear himself.

“What?”

“I said shut up!” This time Steve was shouting. He felt dizzy. It was ‘the’ dizziness like when he was drunk with Billy until morning. His legs couldn't carry him. It was hard for him to even take a step to walk. He could look at the man in front of him only once, and he didn't know if he could look again. He was afraid. He was afraid that that guy really was Billy. If so, he had a lot of questions to ask, and he wasn't sure Billy could answer them. But, God knew, how deeply he wanted that he was Billy.

“Come under the light so I can see you.” Steve instructed him, still insisting not to look at his face. There was a lamp in the middle of the street flashing from time to time, and that was enough to fulfill Steve's will.

“I don't think you want to see me like this, Harrington.” His voice. Even his voice was the same as Billy's. Steve couldn't stand it. It was very difficult to endure the pain of the visions that appeared before him. His fear was increasing, but he wanted not to be afraid. _It's a chance_ , said Steve to himself, trying to convince himself. _It's a new chance for you to love him._

“Just do what I say.”

And the man took a step towards to the street lamp.

\-----

“Steve, that's not a good idea. They already rejected you.” The words of Robin who was in the passenger seat were not enough to convince Steve. A month had passed since Billy's death, and he couldn't find out what they did to that body. They talked about government secrecy, but Steve wasn't fooled. Steve was the one who knew the most about these things, he fought one of those creatures himself. Two times. And now, if he wanted to see the man he was in love with, he should have. He wouldn't let him be used for stupid, secret, scientific experiments. He would ensure that he was buried properly and that a funeral was held.

Billy didn't deserve any of this. And even if his father let go of it, Steve wouldn't.

“I know, Robin. I was there.” Steve replied and began to drive faster.

“Hey, hey. Slow down!” Robin took a deep breath as she clung to the seat more firmly. “Why do you care so much ?! Didn't you fight him? I thought you didn't like Billy!”

“It's not that easy, Robin!” Even Steve was surprised that he shouted so much for a moment. He knew he shouldn't have shouted, Robin had no idea. She was only making inferences from what she had seen, but Steve now just wanted her to be quiet. “I'm sorry, I didn't want to shout. Robin, it's not that easy. We weren't enemies. Maybe we were for a little while, but he's my…”

“Friend?” Steve thanked Robin for helping him complete his sentence. It was hard to say he was a friend because he was in love with him, but yes, he would tell people they were friends. But if they asked Billy, he probably wouldn't have accepted that it was true. He thought he was too cool for Steve. “All right, let’s get this done, partner.”

“Thanks Robin.”

\-----

Steve finally recovered his courage and gently looked up at the light of the street lamp. Now the silhouette of the man he thought was Billy was much more apparent, and also looked much more like him. He knew he had to get close to him. He had to come closer and examine every inch of his face, his body. He had to make sure he was Billy. He grabbed his bagpack with his shaking hand and took a step towards to him.

“My ass is freezing. Will you be a little quick? I have no patience, Harrington!” Despite the man's rather angry voice, Steve was trying to calm down. He didn't want to raise his hopes, but how could he not do that when there were so many similarities?

“Be quiet.” When he stood under the light, in front of the man, he took a deep breath of pain and pressed his hand firmly to his mouth to ensure that his voice couldn’t be heard just as he did that day.

\-----

“It was obvious that Nancy was in love with that nerd. You humiliated yourself, Harrington.” Steve took the cigarette Billy gave him and placed it between his lips. He was right, he couldn't refuse it. He and Nancy hadn't been so good in the last few months. They kept arguing for little reasons. He clearly remembered when he saw her alone with Jonathan. Nancy didn't look at him the way she used to. She was cold. “I'm not saying she is right.” Billy interrupted again. “She's such a fool for leaving a guy like you and going out with that boy.”

“Is that so?” Steve grinned and handed the cigarette back to him, then pulled himself up and sat down on Camaro's hood. “I didn't know you thought I was a good boyfriend, Billy.”

“You're disgusting.” Billy put a sign in his face that he was really disgusted by it and threw the cigarette that was already finished, crushed it with his boot. “I'm not interested in what kind of boyfriend you are. You're just a good guy. At least you proved it to me.”

Billy brought them to a place full of trees to drink something while watching the sunset, and now it was getting cold because it was dark. Steve could hear the sound of owls and was delighted to watch Billy, the most beautiful part of such a peaceful view. The moonlight reflected on his face made him look more beautiful. And he couldn't understand how he wasn't cold in that simple leather jacket. Billy really had to be a monster.

“How?” Steve asked after a few minutes of silence. Billy didn't answer, crossed his arms across his chest, and didn't seem willing to answer. Steve knew he was doing it to annoy him. He grinned and pushed Billy, made him stagger. “How did I prove it?”

When Billy didn't answer again, Steve gave up because he found out that whatever he did couldn't make him talk. He was a stubborn madman, and Steve even liked it. He was a desperate lover. Maybe a little too desperate.

“I beat you to death, Harrington.” When Billy started speaking unexpectedly, Steve turned his head to him in surprise. Billy took a step towards him and turned his body to face him. It seemed as if Steve had forgotten to breathe as his hands rested on both sides of Steve's hips. _He’s drunk_ , he thought. _He doesn't know what he's doing._ “I've treated you in a way that you don't deserve, but look at us. You've been drinking with me like I'm your best friend for years, listening to my shit. If that doesn't prove you're a good guy, what else can?”

\-----

Steve looked intently at the man's face -he was almost sure now that he was Billy- in front of him. Same blue eyes, same pink lips, same curly golden curls. He could feel his eyes burning, but that was normal, wasn't it? Crying was normal. It should be normal. Three months. He spent three big months thinking Billy was dead. He even walked into that damn bedroom where he didn't know how many girls he'd fucked. He had just looked for something that made him feel his presence, and it wasn’t easy. He had to sort out some ridiculous reasons for Billy’s father. It was embarrassing, but it was worth it.

“How?” Steve said, but he wasn't talking to Billy, asking to himself that question. The thought that he had gone mad still seemed convincing to him. “How could that be?”

“I don't know, man! I woke up in a dump and have no idea what's going on! You must help me. I can't go home.” For a moment Steve woke from a dream and locked his eyes into Billy’s eyes and took a deep breath. He was right. They couldn't stand in the middle of the street like that, Billy was shaking in the cold, and it wouldn't be nice if someone saw them. They'd take him home, let him take a bath, and talk neatly.

Somehow.

\-----

When Steve stepped out of the classroom with the other students, holding his bagpack, he saw ‘someone’ waiting for him outside the class door, and this was definitely ‘someone’ he didn't expect to see. The purple colour on his eye left by the person waiting for him hadn’t disappeared yet and ached madly.

“Harrington.” Steve reluctantly ignored him because he didn't want the any fight to happen again and continued to walk, but had to stop before he could go too far because of the strong hand that grabbed his arm. “Harrington, let's talk.” How could refuse him when he pleaded with such a soft voice? For Steve, Billy was a total weakness. And Billy didn't need to be aware of this weakness to use it on Steve. Steve was attracted to him anyway. Pathetic. Perverse.

“What do you want to talk about?” Steve asked as he turned. Billy licked his lips and took a deep breath, moved his shoulders. Steve predicted he was tense from body movements, but Billy's tense wasn't very common thing to see. Maybe he misinterpreted it.

“Let me buy you a beer.” Against these words, Steve's body was ice cold. Buy a beer, huh? It looked like the useless dates Steve had occasionally imagined. Billy was going to ask him out like he did the girls, they were going to have a great evening, and they were going to end the night in Steve's bedroom. Oh, sure.

“I don't think… that's a good idea, Billy.” He had to refuse. He might have fallen in love with him, really fallen in love with him, but he couldn't say he liked beating.

“Harrington, I know I overdid it. Let me make it up to you. Let me apologize.” Steve gasped, closing his eyes tightly. How bad could a beer be? And if he's really going to apologize, it would be great to hear Billy Hargrove’s apologize. It was a start even if he felt bad about beating Steve.

Sitting in Billy's car by the side of the road, they sipped their beers. It was raining right after Billy bought the beers, so he decided to pull over and said it was better to talk like this. Steve didn't refuse, it didn't matter to him after all.

“I’m sorry.” Billy said, and began to move his middle finger -was wearing a ring- at the top of the beer bottle in his hand. “I was so pissed at Max that night that I didn't see anything. It was too much, and I lost control… when you punched me.”

“My eye still hurts. For your information.” Billy smiled and nodded his head as if he thought he was a complete disappointment. He wasn't making eye contact with Steve. Never looked at him once. But that wasn't a problem for Steve either. Sitting next to him was enough.

“You still have a pretty face, Harrington. Don’t worry.” After that, Steve smiled and took a sip of his beer. “I hope you can forgive me.”

“I already forgave you, Billy.” Billy must have been surprised by this sudden decision because he turned his head quickly, and Steve was sure to see it for the first time in Billy's face. “Why are you looking like that?”

“That was quick.”

”Why do we need to be enemies when we can be friends?”

\-----

“I can’t believe this.” Steve said, walking side by side with Billy. They were going to Steve's house and Steve had given Billy his own jacket because he was getting really cold. But he didn’t look injured. Even he seemed to have no wounds, totally fine. This was a separate confusing thing.

“Me neither.” Billy agreed with him. “I remember Max telling me to wake up. I was in pain, Harrington. That thing hurt me both inside and out.” Steve turned his head and looked at Billy's tired face. So he's been lying in a dump for three months? They sent him there? Maybe they checked to see if there was still a piece of that creature in him, and then they threw him away like a garbage. If that was the truth, it was disgusting. It was literally disgusting and made Steve shudder. Billy didn't deserve any of this.

“Do you remember anything other than Max?” Billy gave him a quick look and then shook his head negatively. So he hadn't heard Steve call out to him, and he didn't know he was sitting next to him crying. That was a good thing, relaxing. If he had remembered, Steve would probably have been ashamed and wouldn't have even come up with an explanation. _I was crying because I lost my friend, Billy, what did you think?_

“I'm so happy you're alive. I can't even believe it.”

“I always knew you had a crush on me, Harrington. It's normal for you to be happy.” Steve knew he was joking, and it hurt him even more. Unfortunately he had to laugh at this joke with Billy. He couldn't tell him yet, he had to ask questions first. He should know what's going on. Everything was so sudden.

\-----

Steve thought someone was calling out to him in his sleep, but no, someone was actually calling out to him, and that sound was coming from under his window. He opened his eyes in a sleppy manner and walked out of bed with his pajamas on to the window. He had no idea what time it was, but was pretty sure it was late. Why and who would wake him up at this hour?

“Harrington!” Billy was swinging with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. He had such a hard time balancing that he seemed to fall to the ground at any moment. “Harrington! Here you are. Hello, pretty boy.” Steve lifted his window, rubbing his eyes, which he could barely open.

“Billy? For God's sake! What are you doing here at this hour?”

“Oh come on, can't I come to my favorite person’s home, in the world?!” Steve took a deep breath and swore silently. He had to let him in before Billy woke the neighbors, he couldn't argue with them at this hour. He closed the window and ran to the downstairs to get Billy into the house. When they came in, the first thing he did was take Billy's bottle of whiskey. “Hey! I'm drinking it!”

“You don't anymore. Sit down, I'll make some coffee.” After Billy staggered into the living room, Steve walked into the kitchen and started making coffee for Billy.

He didn't know what had happened, and probably wouldn't know until tomorrow morning, but he thought it was a problem with his father. Ever since they were ‘friends’, Billy has been coming to Steve's house every time he argues with his father. Sometimes sober, sometimes drunk. But every time he fell asleep in this house, and Steve liked it. Of course, his argument with his father was crappy and it really upset Billy, but it was nice that Billy preferred Steve as the gateway to escape.

He came into the living room with a cup of coffee and sat next to Billy. The boy with the golden curls was still numb when he took the cup from Steve. After two cups of coffee, he had recovered enough to speak.

“Your father?” Steve asked in a quiet tone. Billy shook his head up and down and started drinking his third coffee.

“I’m tired.” He shrugged and bit his lower lip. “I need a shelter where I can feel safe. I don't want to stay in that house anymore, man, you know?”

“Yes, of course. You're right to want this. But you have to think about Max.”

“Max's fine, Harrington. I'm the only one he doesn't like.”

“Don’t say that.”

“But it is!” He put the coffee cup on the floor and covered his face with his hands, began to breathe fast. Steve wasn't sure it was a good idea to touch him at the moment, but still put his hand on his back and patted. He could only do that to calm him down, and that made him feel awful. “I'm sorry, Steve. I'm a burden to you.”

“Hey. No. You're not. I'm alone in this big house almost every day.” He bowed his head a little to make eye contact with Billy and smiled. “It's good that you accompany me.” When Billy finally looked up, Steve was delighted as if he had won a victory. He also made him smile, which was a plus point for him. It was important to him that Billy felt good. He loved the way he laughed, the way he showed his teeth when he laughed. He should have laughed more.

“Thanks Steve.” muttered Billy, and began to approach Steve. At first Steve thought he was dreaming because he was still sleepy, but no, Billy was really approaching him and Steve didn't even know what to do. So he just stood there and waited for his dream to come true. But nothing happened. Billy stood up and took off his denim jacket. “You better go to bed now. I'm sorry to wake you.”

“Oh…” Steve said. Of course Billy wouldn't kiss him. Steve knew that. “You're right.”

\-----

“I feel like it's been years since I've been here.” When they came to Steve's house, Billy looked around smiling. Steve was watching him more, still couldn’t believe that he was real. Now he could see him more easily in a proper light, and he was absolutely certain he was Billy. Maybe he was a little tired, but every move he had was Billy's. Maybe he hadn't touched him yet, but he was sure that even the texture of his skin was Billy’s. Billy was alive and came to him first.

“You've been dead for three months. Of course you haven't been here for a while.” Steve shrugged, laughed, and walked to the upstairs. “Let's get you a bath.” He felt more relaxed on his way to the bathroom. He even made his first joke. Of course, he had too many questions in his mind, and didn't even know which one to ask first. He wasn't even sure if he should have called Neil, no, Max. Probably should have talked to Billy before he did anything, but first he had to give him some time to recover. Billy was worn out.

In the bathroom, as he filled the tub with water, Billy walked in behind him and left Steve's jacket on the sink.

“Thank you, Harrington. You're too polite as usual. Too polite.” Steve rolled his eyes and touched the water with his hand and got up from the edge of the bathtub.

“Water is ready.” When Billy turned his back to Steve and took off his shirt, Steve frowned and looked at his body. Every point that creature touched was bruised, but, as he predicted, thank God, he wasn't hurt. He also seemed a little emaciated, perhaps because he looked so worn out. He was obviously not well. “Are you hungry? I can prepare something to eat while you shower.”

“Yeah, that's good. Thanks.” Steve walked out of the bathroom without waiting for Billy to take his pants off and closed the door behind him.

As he went down the stairs he thought that he was going to freak out for a moment with the seriousness of this thing. Billy was alive! Billy, who was killed by the monster in front of him, was alive and now he was taking a bath upstairs. How could that be? How could he survive that thing? The same thing happened to Joyce's boyfriend and he didn't get up from his grave! Steve began to breathe deeply to calm down and held his hair with his hand.

“Calm down, Steve, you have to calm down.” he said as he walked back and forth in the middle of the kitchen. “Billy's just as confused as you. You have to calm down!”

When he finally could stop his shaking hands, he started making a sandwich for Billy.

\-----

“Billy!” Steve was running towards Billy who was about to choke Eleven, but Jonathan stopped him. “Billy! Let me go, man, I have to go to them! He's gonna kill her!”

“Very dangerous, Steve! Are you crazy?!” The creature was watching them, and Steve could see clearly that Eleven was shaking. She was crying, her sobs were heard. He couldn't let Billy kill a little girl, he couldn't. Billy was in control of that fucking monster right now and they had to help him!

“You told her the waves.” With Eleven talking, everyone, including Steve, had to stop. What was she doing? What was she talking about? If she made Billy more angry, things could get out of hand. “You were running to her on the beach. She had blond hair.”

And Steve realized that Billy's body was collapsing. He seemed to faint, was reacting. Eleven was using the tactic to save Will. He was trying to get Billy out of the body, trapped behind the monster. She was trying to reach him.

“Beautiful. She was beautiful.” As Eleven continued to sob, Billy shook his head up and down as if to agree with her. Steve laughed as he held his head between his hands, Billy was coming back. He knew he was there, and now he was coming back.

“She had a straw hat. With a blue ribbon. Yellow sandals were covered with sand. She was wearing a white dress with red and blue flowers.”

When Billy's body loosened as if he was completely weak, Steve tried to go to him again, but Jonathan stopped him. When the creature roared in a powerful voice to the two in front of him, Billy stood up and took Eleven behind him. Steve was watching them paralyzed. He just hoped Billy wouldn't do what he had in his mind. He couldn't do that.

When the creature pulled out his claw to attack Eleven, Billy stopped him with both hands. Eleven crawled out of there, but Steve insisted to leave.

“He'll get himself killed! The monster gonna kill him! Jonathan, let me go!” Desperate, he was begging with a trembling voice, but Jonathan wouldn't let him go.

“Steve, come on, stop. Please.”

And the creature attacked Billy at the same time with the three arms he uncovered. He stabbed his claws on his stomach, back, and chest. Tore him up and threw him to the ground.

Steve didn't even understand what happened.

\-----

“How do you feel?” Steve was sipping his coffee, and Billy was eating his sandwich. He smiled, bit the last piece and leaned back. He was wearing Steve's shirt and sweatpants because they agreed that the bloody, torn shirt should be burned.

“Great. My mood gets better when my stomach is full.”

“I'm glad.” Smiling, he left his cup of coffee and took a deep breath. “You wanna talk.. now? Because it's kind of weird that I'm standing right here with a guy I thought he was dead.” Billy put a look on his face that he wasn't happy about it and took a deep breath. Steve gave him time, he knew he had to. Because he had to be as shocked as he was, and he couldn't force him to talk.

“I don't remember anything either, Harrington. Really.” He seemed to want to relieve the headache while rubbing his forehead with one hand. “I know I felt that creature. And you know it too. I have no idea how I'm healed, how I'm alive. I don't know what they've done to me or what happened after I lost my consciousness.” Then he turned his icy-sharp gaze to Steve. “That thing… is dead, isn't it?”

“Yeah. Yeah. But… Hopper…”

“Oh God.” Billy stood angrily, pressing his fingers against his lips. Maybe it was too early to tell him. He felt terrible. “I don't know what that thing did to me, Steve. I was asleep, and when I called, I appeared to come out, but I couldn't control my body.” Steve had heard from the kids that Will said something like that. He said something almost the same. The body seemed to be asleep and was only active when the creature needed it. It was scary.

“Maybe because you're wounded by the creature, you're no longer under his influence when he dead. Is it possible?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Billy put his hands on his waist nervously. “I don't want to think about it, but it's hard.”

“Hey.” Steve stood in front of Billy. He placed his hands on his arms and became extremely pleased with the warmth of him. He was warm, not as cold as that day. He was warm and Steve could feel it. “You don't have to think. At least for now. We have to be glad you're here.”

“Thanks Ste—“ Steve hugged Billy without letting him finish. He was squeezing him so hard, maybe he could break his ribs. It was unbelievable to feel the presence of Billy under his palm and fingertips. For three months, he hadn't shown his feelings to anyone. He didn't even cry at home. He couldn’t. He only tried and tried for Billy's body. Perhaps his real intention was to find him alive, but he knew it was impossible. Obviously it wasn't.

Billy was back, Steve was hugging him and was already sobbing. It was too much. This was too much for Steve, and he couldn't keep it anymore. Couldn’t hide it.

“Harrington?”

“Please.” Steve said in his sobs. “Please, let me cry, Billy. I was so afraid I lost you. I can't believe you're here.”

“Okay.” Billy wrapped his arms around him and pressed his body against his own. It was perhaps the first time that he embraced Steve, and it was even more beautiful than Steve had ever imagined. Being between his arms… It was warm, possessive.

\-----

“Hey Steve.” When Robin came to the café that Steve had called to meet, she sat and smiled. She kept smiling as she quickly held Steve's cold hands firmly with her own hands.

“I haven't heard from you since the last time we went to the police department. You made me worry. Are you okay?” Steve didn't answer, just cleared his throat. He had thought a lot about talking to Robin today, but Robin was probably the only one who could understand him. She didn't hesitate to tell Steve how she felt about a girl in that filthy toilet corner, and now Steve should have done the same. He could have shared that with Robin.

“I actually called you to tell you something.”

“Is that so?” Robin fixed her body, but she wouldn't let go of Steve's hands. She was so supportive and Steve was ready to cry. “I'm listening.”

“You asked me why I was so interested in Billy's death. Do you remember? It wasn't because… Billy was my friend.” With the stupidity of what he said, he took a deep breath and clenched his teeth. He was completely ridiculous now because he hadn’t thought before about what he had to say. “I mean, that's also a reason, but not the real reason. The real reason is…” All right, now he was ready to cry, but he had to hold back his tears. He shouldn’t cry. Then continued to speak with his trembling voice. “Robin, I was in love with Billy.” When Steve tilted his head, Robin's hands began to hold his hands tighter and he heard a deep breath.

“Ah Steve…” Then he sensed something, and seconds later Robin's arms were already wrapped around Steve. “Steve. Steve. Steve.” Her gentle fingers in his hair helped Steve calm down. He said it. He couldn't believe but he did. Now there was a person who knew this secret, and he could share his pain.

“I still can't believe he's dead. I couldn't even tell him anything.”

“I'm so sorry, Steve. I am so sorry.” So was Steve. He was very, very sad.

\-----

When Steve suddenly opened his eyes with his dream, he found himself lying on the sofa in the living room. The sun was leaking through the curtains and his whole body ached. He remembered last night as memories slowly came back to him. On his way back from work, he remembered finding Billy on the way, bringing him home, hugging him and crying.

And his body was filled with fear, thinking that none of this could be true. Could he have imagined everything? Could it be that his sadness made him do things like that? If so, he had no idea how he could handle it. They all made feel so real, that his eyes still seemed to hurt from crying.

At that moment he felt something on his waist. He looked down and noticed the arm wrapped around him. He looked back, slowly turning his head while holding his breath.

Billy was comfortably hugging him and sleeping.

Billy was here.

Everything was real.

He was alive.

Steve could have lost his mind because of the happiness this time. The dream he had, said was perhaps not to delay anything anymore. He lost Billy once and he didn't want it to happen again. He should have told him that he loved him. He should have been prepared for the possibility of being rejected, beaten, disgusted by him, but he should have said it anyway.

“Billy.” Steve called him. Even though the body behind him moved a little, didn't wake up. “Billy, it's morning. And you keep me from getting up.” Before Billy opened his eyes, Steve turned his body towards him and made them face to face. When the blue eyes met his brown eyes, Billy licked his lips.

“Couldn't you let me sleep some more?” Although Steve couldn't believe that he had spent the night sleeping in Billy’s arms, he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. And Billy didn't complain about it either. Maybe it was a sign. It was a sign for him to tell his true feelings.

“Sorry. But I need to talk to you about something.”

“We can talk later. Did you dream about it? Why do you want to talk in a hurry?”

“Actually, yes, I dreamed it, Billy. And you've been asleep for three months, man.” Billy took a deep breath and Steve felt Billy holding his shirt tight. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to annoy a man who survived a strange creature attack.

“Okay, talk. I am listening.” He wasn’t listening. He closed his eyes. It was very likely that he would fall asleep at any moment, but Steve started talking anyway.

“I'm not sure exactly when this started. Because I didn't even understand. And I've always wanted to tell you. I mean… yeah, I wanted to say it, but it was hard, Billy. It was very hard." Steve raised his hand and held one of Billy's golden curls. “And you were gone before I could say that. I wanted to hold you so bad—“

“Harrington…” When Billy interrupted him, Steve pressed his lips together and immediately stopped. “What are you saying?”

“I love you Billy.” Steve said it all at once, as if he'd let go of his long-held breath. He didn't hesitate. He didn’t wait. “I've loved you for so long and I feel so happy that you're coming back to me right now… I thought…” He tried to stop himself when he started to cry again, but it was too late. Now Billy could've knocked him down, walk out of the house. Steve was crying like a baby when he thought he was prepared.

“Stop crying.” With Billy's stern order, Steve began to work hard to keep quiet. The feeling of shame that covered his body suddenly made him regret his words. Maybe he shouldn't have tell his feelings. “I already knew that.”

“What?” Billy opened his closed eyes as Steve stared at him. It was as if the oceans were tucked into Billy's eyes, and Steve thought about it every time he looked at them. But those ocean eyes, now they looked at him differently. He couldn't decide if it was bad or good.

“I knew it, Harrington. And I was responding to you. But you…” Another deep breath. “You were too stupid to understand that.”

“What… when?”

“Ah! Really?! Remember when you broke up with Nancy, we went to watch the sunset? I really thought I was giving you a sign there, Harrington!”

“You told me I was disgusting, Billy!”

“I couldn't just tell you I like you, dickhead!”

“You shouldn't have said I was disgusting!” Steve stood up angrily and combed his hair with his hands. He couldn't believe what he heard. First he found out Billy was alive, and now he's saying he's responding to his feelings? Were they all real?

“Steve…” When Billy said his name for the first time in a long time, Steve bit his lower lip, was feeling his heart about to explode. _Talk to him you idiot,_ said to himself. “You may not believe what I'm saying because I know, I beat you so bad. But the things that I've been feeling have started on the day you forgive me. And I thought… you were too good to me, Steve. You were too good. I was nothing but an asshole that deserved nothing. That's probably why I was chosen by that strange creature. Tell me, how many people were upset when they thought I was dead? I'm useless. That's why I couldn't tell you how I felt.”

“Shut up.”

“What did you say?”

“I said, shut up.” Steve turned towards and sat down next to Billy, held his cheeks tightly. He couldn't believe he was saying that. Useless? Asshole? Steve learned everything about Billy from Eleven. He knew what he was going through. He could understand why he used to be a jerk. Billy deserved much better things and always reminded himself of this. “I don't care what people think of you. I don't care if they're upset or not. Billy, I know what you're like. I can see what you really want to be. You always deserve good things.”

“Steve…”

“No, listen to me. If you told me you loved me, I'd probably be one of the happiest people in the world. Come on, being Billy Hargrove's boyfriend? Man, that sounds like a dream!” Steve laughed with him when Billy giggled. “You may have been a real asshole the first day you came to school, but I understand. I learned about your mother, your father from Eleven, Billy. She told me.”

“It was that girl who brought me to my senses. I think I owe her a thank-you.” On top of that, Steve's smile grew bigger. Billy never wanted to be a bad guy. His experiences led him to this path. Steve felt it and fell in love with him.

“I don't want you talking about yourself like that again. Did you understand?”

“Wow. Steve Harrington is giving me orders.”

“Did you understand?”

“Yes… yes, I understand.”

“Good.” Steve pulled his hands off Billy's cheeks and take a deep breath. “Now you're gonna kiss me, and then we'll figure out what to say to your sister and the others. Does this fit your plans?” Billy shook his head up and down, laughing, holding one of Steve's neck with one hand, and pulling it to himself, tying the two lips together.

Billy's lips were way beyond what Steve had imagined. They were soft, but they were also rough. He also used his tongue very skillfully. Now he understood better why the girls went crazy for him. Kissing Billy Hargrove was unexplainable. You were supposed to experience it and Steve was happy to be among those lucky people. But he knew he was also special. Billy loved him, like him for a long time. They played the best friend game, unaware of each other's feelings. What a fool they were.

When Billy held Steve's lower lip with his teeth, Steve moaned, which made Billy stop.

“What... what happened? Did I do something wrong?” Steve stared at him in sudden fear, but Billy looked at him with serious eyes.

“Harrington, do you realize how hot you are when you moan?”

“What?”

“I have too much pain to fuck you. So stop it.” Steve was startled by what he had heard, but he felt excited. His heart rate and breathing were accelerated. Fucking, huh? He would have liked that.

“I'm sorry, Hargrove. I can't keep quiet because you're too sexy too.” It wasn't that hard for Steve to play this game.

“Now that I'm your boyfriend, I can do it later.”

“What did you say? Say it again.” Billy mumbled as Steve smiled firmly at Billy's shirt with his fingers.

“You have a zombie boyfriend, Harrington.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on : [tumblr!](http://elfesetamour.tumblr.com) :)


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